Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is the worst. The absolute worst. "Well didn't you take a breastfeeding class while you were pregnant?" I didn't even know that was a thing! How do you learn to breastfeed before you have a baby?

In the hospital they called my baby the Barracuda.  Apparently that is a "nursing personality": http://www.the-essential-infant-resource-for-moms.com/Newborn-Nursing.html
After seeing lactation consultants and all that jazz, things still did not get better. My little Barracuda does not latch well...which causes bleeding and extreme pain.  Oh, and babies have a reflex to poop when they eat...and they don't care if you're already bleeding and taking medicine for pain...the clamp down. hard.  It's enough to send their mama through the roof.  I thought I was going to die. 

Because of her terrible latch, she would suck with all of her might (she's got a lot of might) and still not get enough to eat.  So Craig would have to sneak little bits of pumped breastmilk into the side of her mouth with a syringe while she was breastfeeding.  And then *sigh* I would have to pump to relieve the rest of the pressure and to have something to sneak into her little mouth for her next feeding.  Feeding her/pumping took about an hour...and she eats every 2 hours...so half of my life was spent feeding my little Barracuda.

I was a mess.  I couldn't handle the pain/lack of sleep.  So I made a hard decision: Leila is banned to a bottle.  It's full of pumped breastmilk, but I still feel bad about it.  We're supposed to be forming this amazing bond through breastfeeding...and I'm supposed to be the only one who can feed her.  But anyone can feed her...and everyone does.  Leila doesn't associate me with food. Maybe that's a blessing...I haven't decided yet.